Friday, May 4, 2012

May the Fourth Be With You

So I haven't felt like blogging lately, okay? Why? Well, let's see . . . 

End of school year tests and projects, and end of school year harp recital & festival (Kate). Monthly book report, end of season soccer tournament, end of school year 5th grade play, and end of school year orchestra concert (Will). End of school year play (Rapunzel), Star of the Week poster (the bane of my existence), and working on upcoming birthday plans (Elizabeth). Substituting in Elizabeth’s church class, meeting with landscapers about our future, totally un-landscaped backyard (yeah!), hosting the monthly Learning Circle, running the usual weekly scout activity, writing the usual weekly Deseret News post, and pretending to get ready to MOVE next month.


THAT’S why! 


(And this is also why mothers of older children say life actually gets busier once their kids are in school. Notice I didn't say more difficult than having crying babies hanging on your body all day long, just busier. But you know it is more difficult in emotional ways. Oh, don't worry about it yet. Just enjoy the tantrums that can be fixed with a popsicle and a kiss...) 


You better believe all those school and extracurricular activities take a LOT of parental involvement. May is a particularly busy month for parents of school age children because May is end of school year/end of season hell. I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I actually got involved in the PTA. (Laughing.) (Sorry.) 
So. There's THAT. And then sometimes I just don’t feel like blogging/recording our family’s history. For a multitude of reasons, the two biggest being: a) I just want to live my life without thinking about recording it and b) I’m just scrambling along, totally unbalanced, with my head barely above water which causes me to over think/over analyze everything in my life and come to the conclusion that I'm not a good mom/wife/person. And that’s not really a good mind set to be in when blogging about your life to the world. Especially when I'm supposed to be writing sage/witty/insightful things for mothers on a weekly basis for the Motherhood Matters blog. (Did I ever mention that sometimes I feel like an inadequate hypocrite??)

The irony of me going into my female man cave when I feel like this is that I’m quite certain it would make some people women feel better about themselves if I shared my honest feelings publicly. Why? Because I know for a fact that misery truly does love company. (Or empathy, as it were.) I really do feel for you crazy people out there. More than you know.


So I guess I did just semi-share those feelings publicly. And I feel better for it. 


Now that I have that off my chest, I'm going to start a new post. 


Oh. And I had never heard the phrase "May the fourth be with you" until today. (May 4th, in case you didn't get it.) Thank you, Betsy! Because what other title is there for this sad blog post? 

2 comments:

  1. I love this post! I can so relate :) This was my favorite line: "I’m just scrambling along, totally unbalanced, with my head barely above water which causes me to over think/over analyze everything in my life and come to the conclusion that I'm not a good mom/wife/person. And that’s not really a good mind set to be in when blogging about your life to the world." You put my thoughts on virtual paper exactly. How do you personally deal with/effectively annihilate those negative thoughts about yourself? Or is this an age-old question ;) Maybe you already have written about it (I'm a fairly new reader), but when you have some time in the distant future, will you write a little about your struggles with anxiety? Thanks so much, again, for this post!

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  2. Carolyn--I hope you read what I wrote about panic and anxiety, but what about those negative thoughts? I'm still working on that one myself, but what helps me the most is remembering that those thoughts are NOT from God. God wants us to be happy and to love ourselves like he loves us. When I remember that, I am much kinder to myself.

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