Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I'm Depressed

Maybe it's the post-holiday blahs.

Maybe it's the annual, demoralizing realization that I really do not have the superhuman capabilities needed to do all the things I set out to do on January 1st. (Honestly, the ridiculous schedule I routinely map out for myself could only be accomplished by someone without a job or children at home. Someday I will find a proper balance between my high falutin' goals and my reality. But compromise can feel like defeat which is equally depressing . . . do you feel my pain?)

Maybe it's Seasonal Affective Disorder. (Very, very likely. 1--The further away from the equator, the higher the number of sufferers. 2--Women are 4x as likely as men to get it, and 3--people with a family history of depression are even more likely. Three strikes and I am OUT!!)

Maybe it's the suffocating pressure of needing to make a decision about a permanent home purchase. (This will be the place we finish raising our children, so it's kind of a big deal. We don't just think about things like square footage ((the house)), we worry a lot about community and location ((the home)). I hate moving. Even if it is just across town it will be an adjustment, and the bigger and more permanent the change and decision, the crazier I become.)

Maybe it's worrying about my sister who has stopped receiving treatment for her cancer, and my mom who is endlessly taking care of her while I sit over 1000 miles away thinking about stupid things like whether or not I can get a house with a mud room. (The most normal things in life have a way of taking on a heavy shade of guilt when people close to you are suffering.)

Maybe it's simply because, according to psuedoscience, we are fast approaching THE MOST DEPRESSING DAY OF THE YEAR! 

Whatever the reason, here's a little refresher of my plan to beat the winter blues. (Working the plan is a whole nother story.  .  . )

1) Use light therapy. (I'm planning to sit in front of my happy lamp while reading each morning for 30 minutes.)
2) Get a full night of sleep. 10-6 is my goal. (he he he . . .)
3) Do some form of cardio exercise for 30 minutes every day. (Going outside for a mid-day walk/jog is best, though I find it extremely difficult to get motivated to go outside when it's below 30 degrees . . .)
4) Take Vitamin D and SAM-e supplements.
5) Cut out sugar and carbs--the very thing you crave when feeling depressed. (Rolling eyes filled with cynicism and annoyance.)
5) Break out the aromatherapy, happy music, and good comedy. (Depress Depeche Mode is totally out of the question.)
6) Get out of the house and be social whenever possible.
8) Do all these things even though you feel like staring at the wall and crying for inexplicable reasons. (Sardonic laughing. The painful irony of treating depression is that you don't feel like doing any of the things that will make you feel better.)

And then there's the very short list of things NOT to do:

1) Don't punish your cluelessly upbeat husband by silence or anger because of his inability to read your mind, sense your every feeling, and interact with you like a professional therapist after being at work for 13 hours and putting the children to bed.

Wish me luck.

P.S. We did a 1500 piece puzzle during the Christmas season this year, finishing it last week only to discover that we had lost ONE PIECE!!


  1. Wow. Thank you for mirroring my feelings EXACTLY. I actually laughed out loud at the "Things NOT To Do" list. Couldn't be because I relate to that or anything ...

    I'd like to say I had done any of the things on the "To Do" list either, but NO. I've been the human wastebasket for anything containing sugar in our home for the past two weeks. I decided that I don't like January very much. I've decided my 2012 is starting in February.

    Best of luck with the house hunt.

    I am so sorry about your sister. My heart goes out to you, and of course to her and your whole family.

  2. I get it! (The husband thing especially!) You are not alone. I found your article on POMs and only have a quick second to respond. I met you at the Eyre's home during the Park City retreat. Do you remember me? We spoke. :) You are a light! And no matter what is going on, know, that if it matters to you it matters to Heavenly Father too. Big or small, he's got it covered!
    I've had great success feeling better (after fighting anxiety, depression ect.) since I started doing nutritional cleansing with Isagenix and playing Game On! Releasing toxins from the body puts that belly fat out of business! I have 5 children ages 11-2 and my tummy is trimmer now that before baby #1!! Seriously. It's what I call my cleansing lifestyle. Let me know if you'd like to play a round with me! www.yourisagameon.com and e-mail me at amiemwhite@gmail.com
    Keep writing! You read our minds!!


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